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The Goblin Queen


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What-the-Dickens: The Story of a Rogue Tooth Fairy by Gregory Maguire

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Come into my parlor, said the spider to the fly. [4.29.09 @ 6:35pm]
[ mood | happy ]

I'm an awful, spiteful, and vindictive person.

That being said, I love when I find out dirt about my enemies.

I hate explaining this to people who aren't 'in the know' because a) it reveals that I'm a much bigger dork than I let on, and b) it's hard to explain. But, here goes. There's a rather notorious online text game that's basically just about fetishes and fucking. Characters there include a real-sized My Little Pony and Jesus Christ. I won't even go into explaining the latter, as it's brain breaking.

A few weeks ago, this guy I know starts paging (text game version of instant messenger) me and another girl. He mentions something about tentacle rape in front of her a few times and I'm like, 'Alright. What's his sudden new obsession with tentacle rape?' He tells me to ask the girl we're talking to. She goes into a conniption and tells me that she was mistakenly paged a rather descriptive, graphic sex scene meant for the notorious sex game -- all about tentacle rape. WELL! Today I find out the specifics. The guy who had mistakenly paged her this tentacle rape douchebaggery is none other than someone I HATE A LOT. Imagining him tentacle raping someone is a) funny, b) disgusting and c) not surprising. This small sliver of knowledge empowers me. The next time he says something douchey to me, I will say something like, 'Get your tentacles out of me.' *sigh*

2 // cmnt // memories // edit

Take this job and shove it! [4.25.09 @ 8:00pm]
[ mood | exhausted ]

I've never been so sore in my entire fucking life. I want to die.

When people used to tell me I didn't know what hard labor was, I used to laugh and point and show them my ass and say, "Here's your hard labor right here!" Karma caught up to me today. I didn't like her, she was a bitch. I sat down maybe three times for five minutes each in the span of ten hours. I spent the day in a disgusting smelling kitchen doing dishes and cutting myself whilst trying to cut fruits and vegetables.

On the bright side, I got cheesecake.

*hits head against the wall*

1 // cmnt // memories // edit

Suck my dick, how's that for tolerance? [4.24.09 @ 4:50pm]
[ mood | awake ]

A PAGAN FESTIVAL IN MY KANSAS? MORE LIKELY THAN I THINK.

I was like, 'Oh, this doesn't sound too ba-- HOLY FUCK A FAERY COURT?! MOOOOOOOM!'

I wish I could get one of my family members to drive me over there. None of them support my lack of Christian beliefs. It's funny, because my dad has a tattoo of Satan on his hand. And whenever he thinks a house is haunted, he's like, 'JAMIE GET IN THERE AND SMUDGE THAT MOTHERFUCKER.' And they all want me to read their tarot cards. But then they tell me I'm going to Hell. Then they don't understand why I get upset.

Fuck y'all fuckaz.

1 // cmnt // memories // edit

Survey tiems [4.23.09 @ 3:11pm]
[ mood | tired ]

I stole this from thatjamiegirl.

ADULT CONTENT! ZOMGWTFBBQZ!Collapse )

9 // cmnt // memories // edit

We sleep so tight when we're breathing. [4.23.09 @ 1:25pm]
[ mood | tired ]

The worst part of my day was realizing that I had been ousted as a moderator from several heatherface run communities in favor of kandi_panties. Why would you do that?

LOL J/K. I don't give a fuck.

PS I got a job. MEH.

7 // cmnt // memories // edit

Medication is vital. [4.22.09 @ 1:30pm]
[ mood | amused ]

My friend Aileen was telling me about how she has gotten pictures and the whole low-down on another friend of ours, Bjoern. I was distraught because, well, fuck. His name is Bjoern. I want to know everything about someone named Bjoern! So anyway, I was telling her about this dream I had about Bjoern and his woman where his woman was saying really bitchy things to me.

Aileen: That's impossible, Leah's mute.
Me: What? How the fuck do you know? Why is she mute?!
Aileen: Because he told me. And I dunno, some childhood sickness.
Me: She was probably raped a whole bunch.
Aileen: ...
Mike: ...
Aileen: Jamie, I don't think that's--
Mike: Shut up, IT MAKES SENSE. Jesus, do you want her to kill us all?
Me: So, how do you know all this? Why are you privvy to this information, you bitch?
Aileen: I don't know. I guess I come off as not crazy.
Me: I'm not crazy. I TAKE MY PILLS. Sometimes. Okay, I haven't been taking them lately.

3 // cmnt // memories // edit

Don't don't don't take my don't take my picture. [4.20.09 @ 9:30pm]
Things I did today:

-Had my first slushie in YEARS I think. (Black cherry.)
-Made out with a taxidermied deer head.
-Antagonized some salamanders and caught some minnows.
-Went to work for one hour as a favor to someone; did nothing but the aforementioned things while there. Plus painted my nails and read the newspaper.
-Trimmed a little bit too much off my eyebrows. Again.

And now a survey!

Using only song names from ONE ARTIST, try to cleverly answer these questions. Pass it on to a gazillion people and include me. Try not to repeat a song title.

--------------------------------------

Pick Your Artist: The Sisters of Mercy
Are you male or female: Emma
Describe yourself: Some Kind of Stranger
How do you feel about yourself: I Was Wrong
Describe where you currently live: A Rock and A Hard Place
If you could go anywhere, where would you go: Black Planet
Your best friend is: This Corrosion
Your favorite color is: Finland Red, Egypt White
What's the weather like: Summer
If your life was a TV show, what would it be called: Amphetamine Logic
What is life to you: The Damage Done
Your job is: On The Wire
What is the best advice you have to give: Kiss The Carpet
If you could change your name, what would it be: Alice
Your favorite food is: Good Things
2 // cmnt // memories // edit

The town's only goth girl working at a funeral parlor. O Y HALO CLICHE [4.15.09 @ 6:55am]
[ mood | tired ]

o hai i can haz apprenticeship?

Apparently I can. I have an apprenticeship at the funeral home. Here's to a life of draining people's bodily fluids.

16 // cmnt // memories // edit

What is THIS fuckery? [4.14.09 @ 8:50pm]
[ mood | wet ]

It's official. James Iha + Taylor Hanson is my wet dream. FUCK ME NOW TINTED WINDOWS.

cmnt // memories // edit

On your knees, you big bootied bitch, start suckin'! [4.10.09 @ 1:45pm]
[ mood | amused ]

Why did none of you dirty bastards ever tell me to listen to Nick Cave or PJ Harvey a long time ago? Okay, one of you probably did and I was probably just being a stubborn asshole. BUT GODDAMN THEY ARE AMAZING.

On the other hand, I've also been listening to country songs. No no no. You have to hear them to understand!


Maynard James Keenan singing about fucking Willie Nelson? Ask and ye shall receive! Definitely not work safe.


Piss Up a Rope by Ween. Definitely not work safe either. Unless you have some job where you can listen to songs about piss, balls, and oral sex!


You'll thank me later, I swear.
2 // cmnt // memories // edit

Harold needs a position as Treasurer. [4.7.09 @ 7:50pm]
[ mood | amused ]

HOUSE SPOILERS

Best presidency ever.

Now Cheech just needs to be Speaker of the House.

4 // cmnt // memories // edit

Yeah, this song is totally about me. [4.6.09 @ 6:00pm]
[ mood | predatory ]

Ought to know what I liar I am
Ought to know me by now
Don't curse me for my nature
Don't blast me for my wrongs
Just a bad penny
I always come back to you
Just a bad penny

Just a bad penny
I always come back to you
Should have known you
couldn't trust me
As far as you could throw me
You couldn't throw me too far
Just a bad penny
Couldn't throw me too far

I think I fucked your girlfriend once.
Maybe twice, I don't remember
Then I fucked all your friends' girlfriends
Now they hate you

Just a bad penny
Just a bad penny
Such a bad penny
A bad bad penny

Ought to know what I liar I am
Ought to know me by now
Such a bad penny
A bad bad penny
Ought to know what I liar I am
Ought to know me by now
Ought to know you couldn't trust me
As far as you could throw me
Such a bad penny
Such a bad penny
Slap my hand

3 // cmnt // memories // edit

Lock the parents out, cut a rug, twist and shout. [4.4.09 @ 6:30pm]
[ mood | crushed ]

I PLAYED THE DRUMS TODAY AND IT WAS SO EMPOWERING, LIKE PIERCING MY NIPPLES AND CHANGING MY NAME TO APHRODITE PARKS

No, but seriously.

I played the drums for the first time today and wasn't half bad. I finally found my instrument, maybe. (Drums have a bit too much going on for someone with my attention span.)

The only problem is that I've always considered drummers to be at the very bottom of the musical food chain. Every drummer I've ever known has been a complete dumbass. GODDAMNIT.

9 // cmnt // memories // edit

Jamie's beat poetry hour presents: [4.3.09 @ 9:55pm]
[ mood | amused ]

Glorious could easily describe my shape,
it's a parallelogram.
But which side
is the vagina
on?

3 // cmnt // memories // edit

Internetz is superior because: [4.2.09 @ 11:00pm]
[ mood | amused ]

Aileen: It's easy to tell someone they're an ugly motherfucker when you know they can't immediately punch your face in for it.

Truer words have NEVER been spoken.

5 // cmnt // memories // edit

HAPPY ANNIMIVERSARY. [4.2.09 @ 12:25pm]
[I was watching the Jesus of Suburbia video. Only because it has Lou Taylor Pucci in it.]

[12:08:09 PM] Jamie says: Man. HE'S SO FUCKABLE.
[12:08:10 PM] Jamie says: That's all.
[12:08:26 PM] Mikey says: I love you, honey.
[12:09:24 PM] Jamie says: I love you too. You're also very fuckable. I'ma smack your ass and call you Sally here in a minute!
[12:09:54 PM] Mikey says: ... I used to get called Sally in middle school.
[12:10:07 PM] Jamie says: ...What.
[12:10:09 PM] Mikey says: It's true.
[12:10:56 PM] Mikey says: Not very much, though. One girl started it, and when anyone else tried it out, I shot them radioactive death beams from my eyes.

And that's why I've been with this guy for exactly a year, today. Happy anniversary, poopbutt.
4 // cmnt // memories // edit

So hot, so cold, so far so out of control. [4.1.09 @ 9:55am]
[ mood | tired ]

Look, this isn't a mopey post! Fucking huzzah!

Alright, I can't seem to run the Sims 2 on my computer. It says that I don't have a DirectX compatible graphics driver. This is a load of bullshit, because I've always been able to run the game before. Do I need to update my shitty fucking graphics card?

Also, I need someone's keycode for Nightlife. I think I threw my manual out. :S

4 // cmnt // memories // edit

I just wanna lie here, just wanna die here next to you. [3.31.09 @ 4:45pm]
[ mood | pissed off ]

I am most certainly living in my worst fucking nightmare. Period.

I stay in my room largely because if I go out, I am reminded that I do in fact live in the same place that I've had nightmares about the past ten years.

My birthday came and went. It was pretty shitty. The worst birthday I've ever had, as a matter of fact. I stopped taking all of my meds cold turkey for a while. Yes, even the heart medicine. That was more a matter of not having any money or insurance than anything else though. I can say I didn't really care.

But let's get to the real meat of the story, shall we?

The day after my birthday, my uncle was in a fatal car wreck. Within an hour, everyone in the county knew that he was dead. This is not an exaggeration. I've spoken numerous times of the girl who had a baby in the back of her van and has been nailing most of the county's resident pedos since she was 10, yes? Well, somehow she heard my uncle was dead, called my cousin who was /very/ close to my uncle, and decidedly told him the news. Yep. After that, there was this huge thing on Facebook. She wrote all about seeing the accident sight and how fucked up it was. Apparently most of the town was pretty pissed off about it. She apologized to several people but not the family, until we got a card in the mail from her. Needless to say, a fistfight between she and my mother almost broke out at the Dollar General.

The dumb bitch came to the funeral. Everyone was wrought with emotion. I didn't cry. I've been numb for a while. When I do bother to feel anything, it's usually a mixture of rage and unspeakable sadness that I've only felt in nightmares over the past ten years. I'd kill myself if I hated my parents enough to saddle them with a huge funeral bill. I don't resent them enough yet to do that. But we'll see.

I actually came to Kansas and thought I'd have no one, but surprisingly, I've had a lot more positive social interaction than I expected. On the other hand, there have also been times that I've run out of public places and sat in the car, or asked to be taken home outright in order to avoid my old classmates. My family is still fucking annoying. I dislike them all immensely. The novelty wore off after the first day of seeing them.

Can I just be dead now, plz?

4 // cmnt // memories // edit

You are one suave motherfucker. [2.14.09 @ 5:15pm]
[ mood | hyper ]

I never thought I would be Googling how to make pipe bombs, but here I am.

Also, if you get a friend request from me on Facebook, yeah, it's me. I deactivated that OTHER account because well, there was too many relatives on it. Why the fuck would I want to have a fun website turned into a shitty family reunion?

1 // cmnt // memories // edit

The most evident utensil is none other than a pencil. [2.14.09 @ 2:20pm]
[ mood | tired ]

I am surprisingly alright. Alright, that's kind of a lie. I'm sinking into debilitating depression. One minute I'm like, 'lulz oh god' then the next I'm sobbing and screaming how much I hate people. But it's okay. I started smoking weed. There's always that.

Most of the time I sit around listening to Joy Division and looking at my arms to see if I have any visible veins I could slice, and if we have anything other than plastic shavers to slit them with. Even my baby friend was so depressed that she tried to hang herself with the pull along string on one of her toys. I couldn't even make that up! Then she tried to pack herself and her toy helicopter into one of our boxes. It was awesome.

I haven't started packing. We're supposed to leave like, next weekend. Yep. But on the upside, I DID find my Sisters of Mercy CDs. Now I can enjoy even more mopey time and shit. It's gonna be super awesome. I'm hoping to find more shit that I haven't been able to locate since we moved into this house.

If you haven't seen it, light a fatty and:

3 // cmnt // memories // edit

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